For someone with ADHD, it’s difficult to speak publicly about the subject when you feel systematically disadvantaged. But it’s precisely those who are affected who can offer real insight, while the media mostly spreads stereotypes and idealized images. I’ve noticed how popular overly simple answers have become, paired with an aggressiveness that leaves no room for nuance. I’ve realized that a lot of what seems helpful at first glance turns out to be the opposite.

We’re talking about slogans that reduce negative behavior to "evil" personality traits. Many people seem to live in a world full of so-called narcissists and disrespect. But most of the people labeled as "narcissists" aren’t that at all. Often, it’s the person making these accusations who’s showing self-centered thinking and limited understanding. People quickly applaud when certain figures simplify behavior with bold, clear words. "People don’t change. If your partner lies to you, it’s a lack of respect!"—what a statement. If only the world were that simple.

When you rely on your own assumptions about another person's motives, you enter the inner workings of the person in conflict without showing understanding, but rather empowering yourself over that person and the conflict.

Humans are not here to fulfill each others personal expectations, there is always a greater context. Communication is not about forcing people into boxes. People aren’t footballs to be kicked into the goal of your perception; they’re complex beings, full of flaws, fears, and mistakes. I realize this poorly nuanced, highly polarized circus.

What I’m trying to say is this: the drive for simple answers and clear-cut villains misses the point entirely. Human beings, especially those with ADHD or other challenges, don’t fit neatly into black-and-white categories. As long as we keep falling for these cheap simplifications, we prevent real understanding and deepen the divide.

🤗 For a more nuanced discussion, please feel free to use the comments section, private messages or the anonymous contact form on my website.

Many excuses that at first glance seem like a request for forgiveness are actually so-called nonpologies.
It's often said:"I'm sorry."
So I apologize to myself. I get rid of the guilt without asking my counterpart: will you accept my apology? The authority to interpret the situation remains with me.

An apology is always appropriate if one would have been able to refrain from hurtful behavior. This should achieve reparation through appreciation. Properly apologizing is an expression of emotional and spiritual maturity.
Most empathetic people even ask for forgiveness when they can't help it. Out of compassion!

Each of us has done or received nonpologies.
However: Anyone who is not able to apologize at all is behaving toxic.
In a relationship this means nothing else than that one person bears all the burdens and the other has all the freedom.

Examples of nonpologies from toxic people:

"I've already said that I'm sorry."
(The subject is closed for you. Fine! What about me?)

"I'm sorry for everything I have done or will ever do!"
(Is this supposed to be a free ride ticket for acting like a jerk?)

"I'm sorry if I hurt you!"
(Really? If? - I just let you know THAT you hurt me!)

"I'm sorry that you feel that way."
(It's not about my feelings, for which I don't need pity, by the way, but about your behavior.)

You are worth being treated with respect. Surround yourself with people who are good for you.
Those who do not show responsibility for their actions will always continue to behave like this.

It's not difficult for me to forgive. Those who behave toxic have a severe handicap. It is important to accept that you are not the cause of their behaviour. That they are not good for you and that they have no place in your life if you want to be happy.

🤗 For a more nuanced discussion, please feel free to use the comments section, private messages or the anonymous contact form on my website.