For someone with ADHD, it’s difficult to speak publicly about the subject when you feel systematically disadvantaged. But it’s precisely those who are affected who can offer real insight, while the media mostly spreads stereotypes and idealized images. I’ve noticed how popular overly simple answers have become, paired with an aggressiveness that leaves no room for nuance. I’ve realized that a lot of what seems helpful at first glance turns out to be the opposite.

We’re talking about slogans that reduce negative behavior to "evil" personality traits. Many people seem to live in a world full of so-called narcissists and disrespect. But most of the people labeled as "narcissists" aren’t that at all. Often, it’s the person making these accusations who’s showing self-centered thinking and limited understanding. People quickly applaud when certain figures simplify behavior with bold, clear words. "People don’t change. If your partner lies to you, it’s a lack of respect!"—what a statement. If only the world were that simple.

When you rely on your own assumptions about another person's motives, you enter the inner workings of the person in conflict without showing understanding, but rather empowering yourself over that person and the conflict.

Humans are not here to fulfill each others personal expectations, there is always a greater context. Communication is not about forcing people into boxes. People aren’t footballs to be kicked into the goal of your perception; they’re complex beings, full of flaws, fears, and mistakes. I realize this poorly nuanced, highly polarized circus.

What I’m trying to say is this: the drive for simple answers and clear-cut villains misses the point entirely. Human beings, especially those with ADHD or other challenges, don’t fit neatly into black-and-white categories. As long as we keep falling for these cheap simplifications, we prevent real understanding and deepen the divide.

🤗 For a more nuanced discussion, please feel free to use the comments section, private messages or the anonymous contact form on my website.

🐒 I have now given you some insights into my challenges, strengths, and abilities. ADHD is a spectrum and part of natural diversity. There are people for whom ADHD is a burden, and others who see more advantages than disadvantages in it. It is a misunderstanding to believe that these differences are solely due to the will of the affected individuals. In fact, the expression of the disorder varies, and factors such as medication tolerance, comorbidities, upbringing, worldview, access to free or affordable therapy options, life circumstances, life experiences, stigmatization, and personality traits also play a role.

🦤 In this false assumption, both fundamental attribution errors and the survivorship bias are involved.

🌱 In the past 18 years, I have worked a lot on myself and, as you may have seen in my posts, have struggled with some difficulties.

🏝 I am a calm and peaceful person, which makes it hard for many to understand my experiences. In fact, I have focused on advancing my therapy. I have not attacked anyone; I simply did not meet some of the expectations they placed on me. As a result, I had to leave my family, as we did not harmonize. Therefore, I forgive those who attacked me, as they may not have had the same circumstances as I did. They may have genuinely wanted to help me, even if I find that difficult to understand on both a rational and emotional level.

🏞 It has affected me when I was repeatedly told how 'pitiful' I was while trying to find my own way. I couldn't even breathe as I wanted without being criticized for it. I forgive myself for the anger and bitterness I felt, as they were understandable reactions. However, I recognize their harmfulness and negative impact, not only on myself. That is why I continuously work on improving my self-management. I am not seeking reconciliation but a clear boundary against disrespectful behavior. There is no place for disrespect in my life, as it is incompatible with my self-concept.

🏔 I strive for a life that is in harmony with my values, characterized by respect, understanding, and peace.

🕊 I love myself.

🤗 For a more nuanced discussion, please feel free to use the comments section, private messages or the anonymous contact form on my website.

🧩 Although we humans tend to divide the world into clear categories and fixed boundaries, our true strength lies in our diversity. Our species, rich in different traits and personalities, embodies the principle that makes life in all its forms successful: diversity. Each of us is unique, whether through our appearance, preferences, or emotions. We choose different words, react differently to joy or sorrow, and our relationships are as individual as we are.

☄️ Moreover, we are adaptable – what we like today may seem strange to us tomorrow. This continuous change reminds us that our attempts to organize the world into categories must always be open to expansion and adaptation. Instead of rigid boundaries, we need flexible frameworks that allow space for the unexpected.

🦖 However, understanding and appreciating diversity doesn’t mean we must accept everything indiscriminately. It's equally important to set clear boundaries and make decisions that align with our values and well-being. In dealing with others, we might approach each person with empathy and an open mind, but also with the wisdom to know when to stand firm and when to be flexible. True connection and growth come from balancing acceptance of others with respect for our own needs and principles.

🤗 For a more nuanced discussion, please feel free to use the comments section, private messages or the anonymous contact form on my website.

Many excuses that at first glance seem like a request for forgiveness are actually so-called nonpologies.
It's often said:"I'm sorry."
So I apologize to myself. I get rid of the guilt without asking my counterpart: will you accept my apology? The authority to interpret the situation remains with me.

An apology is always appropriate if one would have been able to refrain from hurtful behavior. This should achieve reparation through appreciation. Properly apologizing is an expression of emotional and spiritual maturity.
Most empathetic people even ask for forgiveness when they can't help it. Out of compassion!

Each of us has done or received nonpologies.
However: Anyone who is not able to apologize at all is behaving toxic.
In a relationship this means nothing else than that one person bears all the burdens and the other has all the freedom.

Examples of nonpologies from toxic people:

"I've already said that I'm sorry."
(The subject is closed for you. Fine! What about me?)

"I'm sorry for everything I have done or will ever do!"
(Is this supposed to be a free ride ticket for acting like a jerk?)

"I'm sorry if I hurt you!"
(Really? If? - I just let you know THAT you hurt me!)

"I'm sorry that you feel that way."
(It's not about my feelings, for which I don't need pity, by the way, but about your behavior.)

You are worth being treated with respect. Surround yourself with people who are good for you.
Those who do not show responsibility for their actions will always continue to behave like this.

It's not difficult for me to forgive. Those who behave toxic have a severe handicap. It is important to accept that you are not the cause of their behaviour. That they are not good for you and that they have no place in your life if you want to be happy.

🤗 For a more nuanced discussion, please feel free to use the comments section, private messages or the anonymous contact form on my website.