It has helped me to share my experiences and thoughts on various aspects of life that not only burden me but also strengthen me. A central difficulty is my tendency towards egocentric thinking.

This developed out of a system of oppression. In order to safeguard my interests within my family while constantly being manipulated and used, I developed coping mechanisms as a child.

I never had to do much to receive attention because my relatives wanted to maintain their influence over me. As a result, I never really felt the need to develop strong narcissistic behavior patterns within relationships.

Instead, I developed more egoistic behavior patterns because every stage of my life was marked by structural instability, and other people tried to influence my perspective, often for their own benefit.

I am not trapped in this egocentrism, but I am working on identifying the harmful aspects and their triggers. Like everyone, I have certain dynamics in my personality, consisting of adaptive (useful) and maladaptive (harmful) behavior patterns. These are closely linked to emotions and emotion regulation. I am very empathetic, but this is sometimes influenced more or less by my egoistic tendencies. My ADHD sometimes challenges my emotional regulation.

Since I have reported "publicly" on my experiences, it feels like I have regained a piece of self-determination, because now it has been said, and there’s nothing more I can do. I could still reach out to National Geographic, but I believe this is enough.

It has liberated me and allowed space for independent thinking that is not constantly under a defensive posture. Being able to take a free and self-determined (less self-centered) look at my own responsibilities has led me to the insight of what I can work on to improve my situation in the long term.

I have realized that my ability to consider other people's points of view can be improved and that I have a better chance of long-term emotional stability if I learn to forgive even the deepest pain, to let it go and stop giving it power.

A little over a week ago, I found our crowd favorite Chico with an injury. He had lost part of his tail. I then searched the terrarium for traces to find the cause. I came to the conclusion that the crack in the bamboo was the most likely cause. This matches a blood stain that I found nearby. I'll be honest, I had noticed this crack before, but I hadn't considered the possibility that his tail could get caught in it. The crack has become wider due to the moisture, which is a risk that can happen in any terrarium. That's why I hope that Chico's painful experience is a warning to other owners. It was a lesson for me to be more cautious and foresighted. Chico's tail will grow back, and during this time he will have an increased need for nutrients. Since then, apart from the missing tail, he has seemed vital and behaved as usual. Geckos, like many other lizards, shed their tails when they are in danger thanks to special muscles. It is not yet clear whether this causes pain. Some biologists argue that pain when shedding a tail is an evolutionary hindrance. Nevertheless, it is definitely something that should not be taken lightly. The second photo shows the bamboo with the gap. The constriction probably became a trap. The third photo shows the leaking tissue fluid on the day of the event. The tissue fluid helps to clean the wound effectively. Because a stress-free environment is important for healing and because day geckos usually stay above ground, it makes more sense to leave them in the terrarium. This may be different for ground-dwelling animals because their tails often touch the ground and can cause infections.

Chico! 🦎

Please put something sweet here! 😒

You can't just keep watching without giving me something sweet! 🥺🍌🦎

Peekaboo! ❤️🦎

How cute he is 🙂❤️🦎

Chico! 🥰🦎

Moments like this 🥰🦎

So crazy about his sweets 🥰🍌🦎