Her pattern a symbol,
of the morals of her kin.
Her web a floral design,
from countless threads spun thin,
on which she bears her cross,
to carry it to my grave.

R.I.P. stink bug 🩶

And to the cross spider, enjoy your meal! 😋

The female garden spider (Araneus diadematus) soon lays her eggs and therefore needs a lot of energy. 🍂🍁 She then dies and the eggs overwinter in the cocoon. ☃️❄️

In my poem, the cross spider is depicted both literally and symbolically as the bearer of the morals of her kin. The distinctive cross on her back represents not only a natural characteristic but also the burden of the moral values and traditions she embodies. Her web symbolizes the complex network of ethical principles woven within the community, highlighting how the individual is intertwined with these structures.

The image of the spider carrying her cross to the grave of the lyrical self refers to the inevitable connection between life and death, while also conveying the responsibility and consequences of the moral choices of her kin. The cross spider thus becomes a symbol of the dynamics of tradition, responsibility, and the ultimate transience of life.

A little over a week ago, I found our crowd favorite Chico with an injury. He had lost part of his tail. I then searched the terrarium for traces to find the cause. I came to the conclusion that the crack in the bamboo was the most likely cause. This matches a blood stain that I found nearby. I'll be honest, I had noticed this crack before, but I hadn't considered the possibility that his tail could get caught in it. The crack has become wider due to the moisture, which is a risk that can happen in any terrarium. That's why I hope that Chico's painful experience is a warning to other owners. It was a lesson for me to be more cautious and foresighted. Chico's tail will grow back, and during this time he will have an increased need for nutrients. Since then, apart from the missing tail, he has seemed vital and behaved as usual. Geckos, like many other lizards, shed their tails when they are in danger thanks to special muscles. It is not yet clear whether this causes pain. Some biologists argue that pain when shedding a tail is an evolutionary hindrance. Nevertheless, it is definitely something that should not be taken lightly. The second photo shows the bamboo with the gap. The constriction probably became a trap. The third photo shows the leaking tissue fluid on the day of the event. The tissue fluid helps to clean the wound effectively. Because a stress-free environment is important for healing and because day geckos usually stay above ground, it makes more sense to leave them in the terrarium. This may be different for ground-dwelling animals because their tails often touch the ground and can cause infections.

Snakes become milky a few days before shedding, called "blue phase". This is because a fluid accumulates between the old and new skin, separating them. But why do the eyes also turn cloudy? This is because, unlike leopard geckos, snakes do not have eyelids. Instead, they have a spectacle scale covering each of their eyes.

Today, 4 days after this photo, Dakota has shed his skin and is now climbing around looking for the white mice he is so convinced of.

No one can stay positive all the time. It's important to process negative experiences and allow emotions. For people with ADHD, this is challenging, as they tend to feel emotions more intensely and experience quicker shifts. However, maintaining a positive attitude can help manage challenges and reduce stress responses. In ADHD, dopamine and norepinephrine regulation is disrupted—not only is there a lack of dopamine, but its usage and processing are also inefficient. This dysregulation affects symptom intensity, which can be worsened by stress, sleep deprivation, or overstimulation.

It's no good idea to pressure someone with ADHD, as it often worsens their symptoms. Small positive gestures and respectful communication are typically more stabilizing. When someone explains what affects their performance and what improves it, it is not meant to be amusing, but essential.

This also applies to people taking ADHD medication. These medications alleviate symptoms but don’t fully address the underlying neurobiological causes. The core challenges of ADHD remain.

Like many with ADHD, I responded well to medication accompanied by psychotherapy, but finding the right dosage and timing was a lengthy process, often complicated by side effects such as insomnia which later formed a circular dynamic with depression.

Insomnia → performance problems → stress → depression

I couldn't bring myself to give up so quickly and accepted the difficulties with the medication, since they were also linked to my behavior. My specialists have not issued me any sick notes to oblige me to take personal responsibility.

After some years, I stopped taking medication. During this time, I didn’t have a supportive environment. I faced my difficulties openly and self-reflective, but the strong criticism of side effects and resulting consequences hindered my therapy and professional life. In addition, the lack of sleep impaired the effectiveness of the medication. Many people with ADHD share similar experiences, leading them, like me, to focus more on the holistic approach that includes behavior, emotion regulation, nutrition, exercise, and lifestyle changes.

As you can see, I’ve successfully completed 2nd grade! ✨😊

I’m sharing my primary school report from 1994 because ADHD, which has been with me since childhood, wasn’t diagnosed until I was 20. The quieter, mixed type often goes unnoticed. Even back then, my dreamy nature was clear, as I sometimes drifted away in class, lost in my thoughts. However, when a subject sparked my curiosity - like natural sciences - it was easier for me to engage. These topics appealed more directly to my ADHD-affected reward system, allowing me to focus and work more effectively. Distractions still impact me, especially with motor skills, but I’ve learned ways to adapt. ADHD often leads to deep, lifelong interests - and, yes, sometimes we forget our homework.😅

"Frederic has successfully completed the 2nd grade. He has a good grasp of basic multiplication. Addition and subtraction within 100 are more challenging for him. With word problems, he usually only recognizes the necessary calculation operation with external help.

In German, he reads simple words and texts but still struggles with unfamiliar and longer words. He sometimes does not understand the content of more difficult texts. When copying, he usually makes only a few mistakes, whereas he has more problems with practiced dictations. His writing is still somewhat uneven, and he sometimes has difficulty keeping within the lines. Frederic has attended a German support course. In general studies, he is particularly interested in natural science topics and works well here.

He could be more proactive in physical education, as his performance is good. In music, he sometimes participates in elements of the lessons (singing, rhythm, movement games to music, listening to music). He paints and draws very well but is still quite clumsy with manual tasks.

Frederic is very dreamy and usually works only minimally. He often does not understand work instructions and cannot yet work independently. He completes written tasks carefully and with concentration but needs a lot of time to do so. Sometimes he forgets to do his homework."

🧠🌦 Positive and negative thinking and ADHD.

ADHD is characterized by a dysregulation of dopamine and norepinephrine, which can lead to problems with attention, motivation, and impulse control. Positive thinking affects these neurotransmitters and can positively impact some symptoms of ADHD.

1. ADHD and Neurotransmitters:

Dopamine: People with ADHD often have a dysregulated dopamine system, which is important for reward, motivation, and attention. A lack of dopamine can lead to difficulties in maintaining attention and motivation.

Norepinephrine: Norepinephrine, which is responsible for regulating attention and arousal, can also be impaired in ADHD. Dysregulation in this system can affect the ability to focus on tasks and control impulsive behavior.

2. Negative Thoughts and Feelings:

Dopamine: Negative thoughts can disrupt the dopamine system and lead to anhedonia, which is a reduced interest in normally enjoyable activities.

Norepinephrine: Negative emotional states can increase norepinephrine production, which can result in higher stress and anxiety. Chronic stress can further disrupt norepinephrine regulation and negatively affect mood.

The human brain has a natural tendency to prioritize negative thoughts and potential threats. A positive environment makes it easier to perform.

3. The Impact of Positive Thinking on ADHD Symptoms:

Dopamine and Motivation: The dopamine system is often underactive in people with ADHD, leading to low motivation. Positive thinking can boost dopamine production, which improves motivation and well-being, helping to tackle daily tasks with more enthusiasm.

Norepinephrine and Attention: Positive thinking can help stabilize norepinephrine levels, improving the ability to concentrate and focus, and making it easier to handle tasks.

Stress and Impulsivity: Positive thinking can also reduce stress, which often plays a role in ADHD. By lowering stress, it can also improve impulse control.

Self-Esteem and Resilience: ADHD can affect self-esteem. Positive thinking fosters a stronger sense of self-worth and enhances resilience by focusing on progress rather than failures.

🌿 Sensory overload can affect anyone when they are overwhelmed by many types of stimuli, like sounds, visual details, or tactile sensations. For me, as someone with ADHD, this sensitivity is particularly strong. My ability to filter out distractions and focus on what’s important is often limited, which makes the effects of sensory overload even worse.

I often find myself in situations that seem completely normal to others but are overwhelming for me. The habits and expectations of those around me frequently clash with my own challenges and needs. Additionally, there are often biases, a lack of empathy, and a reluctance to understand my perspective and reality.

It would make a big difference if there was more willingness to recognize and understand my viewpoint.

Some might claim that it doesn’t matter what others think, but they overlook the fact that these attitudes directly impact my quality of life and the opportunities available to me. I do my best to make the most of what life offers to meet my needs. I accept that certain areas may be closed off to me because I have to, not because I believe it is right or good. Some things are like the weather because you can't really control them and you have to learn to dance in the rain.

I was excluded from my family because I did not meet their expectations, did not allow myself to be controlled and therefore appeared to be a threat.

The expulsion of an unwanted member by a family or group demonstrates strength and unity by elevating themselves above the expelled member.

False accusations are used to discredit the member and prevent them from gaining recognition or influence in another group. This tactic protects the original group from potential threats and strengthens its cohesion and power structure by avoiding internal conflicts and external hostile relations.

Evolution: Already in early tribal societies, expulsion was a pragmatic solution to safeguard the tribe. Instead of killing the member or keeping them nearby, which could provoke internal revenge acts and external threats, they just were banished. This allowed the expelled individual to seek a new existence in distant regions while minimizing the direct threat to the tribe and ensuring internal stability.

These behavioral patterns follow certain rules that have proven effective over the course of evolution to ensure the survival and stability of groups.

This is well described by anthropological, historical and social-psychological findings, and in its modern form still takes place today. But also the existence of alternative behaviors and ways of resolving conflicts.

Schopenhauer argued that human morality is often shaped by selfish motives and prejudices, and that human behavior in many cases is not fundamentally different from the behavior of animals.

There are groups that welcome my characteristics. They have a different culture and conduct internal disputes constructively. The fact that I was excluded says nothing about my qualities, but more about the inability of others to accept and love me as I am.

When opportunities for a new "tribal affiliation" arise, I address the reasons openly because I set the standard for what kind of treatment I will accept. Honesty and independence are more important to prevent experiencing the same negative situations in a new group that would again cost personal resources.

🐝 Busy like a bumblebee!

🌻 At 13, while living in a children’s home, I took the initiative to find my first job at a garden center, working a few hours each week, becoming the youngest in my family to seek and find employment independently. At 14, I moved to Hessen to live with my father and at 15 began working as a newspaper carrier, a job I held until I was 17. By then, I had completed internships as a bank clerk, gardener, and zookeeper. I also started teaching myself web programming and image editing at 14, followed by two internships at an advertising agency. By 22, I had completed my training as an IT specialist and by 23, I was active in local politics, serving on the board of a political youth organization for three years.

🧱 Due to health issues and related prejudices, finding jobs was challenging. For example, I worked as a deputy team leader in a security archive and also took on night shifts at a conveyor belt sorting station, despite the strain on my health due to the sensory overstimulation (ADHD). I also hold a forklift license and other certifications in warehousing and logistics, and have the endurance to handle more than 20,000 packages a day.

👾 Meanwhile, I earned professional qualifications in marketing and media design and now work as a full stack web developer and designer for print and digital media.

🌿 Despite unfounded accusations of laziness or drug use, I have never had the means or social context for regular drug use. I don't even drink alcohol. I have no criminal record, and ADHD is not a psychotic illness. I enjoy nature, photographing animals and plants, and pursuing my interests. When faced with accusations, I see them as reflections of others’ deficiencies, not my own worth.

🌊 Haven of Serenity

🏝 The sloths were generated with FLUX AI. The environment and some sloth details were created with Adobe Firefly. I spent quite a long time on it. I wanted it to be completely AI generated and that doesn't always do what it's supposed to.

🏗 Originally, when I generated it with FLUX, the sloths were in a kind of metal container in a mechanical setting. I gave the image some longing, warmth and fantasy, but also subtle contrasts.

Initial prompts: FLUX AI
Enhancement: Adobe Firefly AI