Many excuses that at first glance seem like a request for forgiveness are actually so-called nonpologies.
It's often said:"I'm sorry."
So I apologize to myself. I get rid of the guilt without asking my counterpart: will you accept my apology? The authority to interpret the situation remains with me.
An apology is always appropriate if one would have been able to refrain from hurtful behavior. This should achieve reparation through appreciation. Properly apologizing is an expression of emotional and spiritual maturity.
Most empathetic people even ask for forgiveness when they can't help it. Out of compassion!
Each of us has done or received nonpologies.
However: Anyone who is not able to apologize at all is behaving toxic.
In a relationship this means nothing else than that one person bears all the burdens and the other has all the freedom.
Examples of nonpologies from toxic people:
"I've already said that I'm sorry."
(The subject is closed for you. Fine! What about me?)
"I'm sorry for everything I have done or will ever do!"
(Is this supposed to be a free ride ticket for acting like a jerk?)
"I'm sorry if I hurt you!"
(Really? If? - I just let you know THAT you hurt me!)
"I'm sorry that you feel that way."
(It's not about my feelings, for which I don't need pity, by the way, but about your behavior.)
You are worth being treated with respect. Surround yourself with people who are good for you.
Those who do not show responsibility for their actions will always continue to behave like this.
It's not difficult for me to forgive. Those who behave toxic have a severe handicap. It is important to accept that you are not the cause of their behaviour. That they are not good for you and that they have no place in your life if you want to be happy.
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Creator of this post is Frederic Hilpert
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