🍂🐝 At the end of October on the Northern Hemisphere, common wasps (Vespula vulgaris) enter a phase of retreat and transformation. Most worker wasps and drones die off as the weather cools, while newly fertilized queens find sheltered spots to hibernate through winter, preparing to start a new colony in spring. During this period, the few remaining wasps seek out the last bits of nourishment before the temperatures drop too low for them to remain active.

🌷🌳🍂☃️ When I see a wasp nibbling on a dead spider at this time of year, it becomes a symbol of the last efforts in nature’s cycle. She herself is bound to the limits of her lifecycle, shaped by the greater rhythms of the seasons. She represents a moment when even the smallest beings, like ourselves, must align our actions with nature’s cycle, adapting to external conditions that shape and connect us all.

In this transitional season, the wasp reminds me that our interconnectedness with the world is constantly shifting, just as we must adapt and find our place within the phases of life, always dependent on the larger cycle that sustains us.

✨️🌌 I crafted this talisman myself back in 2006, the year I learned about my ADHD. Even before the diagnosis, I knew I was different. Due to my strong interest in nature, I had noticed parallels between myself and animals even before my diagnosis.

🐯 This is not a bad thing — indigenous cultures often seek their strength and abilities through a spiritual connection with animals. In fact, there is growing evidence suggesting that ADHD might have evolutionary roots, linked to traits that were advantageous in hunter-gatherer societies.

💀 This evolutionary mismatch hypothesis suggests that modern environmental factors, such as a sedentary lifestyle, mean that certain individuals are no longer optimally adapted, which may contribute to the difficulties we recognize as ADHD. Although this is still a hypothesis, I believe that in biology, nothing makes sense except in the light of evolution.

🤠 I have always felt a strong urge to explore nature, and there has never been anything more interesting to me than discovering. This intrinsic drive aligns well with behaviors observed in hunter-gatherer societies, where this knowledge is essential for survival. Animals, too, learn about their environment in similar ways.

🧬 I know that I inherited this passion for nature from my mother’s side, while my father is the one in whom I clearly see ADHD symptoms and behavior. My maternal grandfather also showed some ADHD characteristics.

🛖 When I consider that my closest circle of friends consists mostly of people with ADHD, it can be assumed that we have a similar interaction style, which probably also plays a role in our choice of partner.

🧫 Perhaps I am simply a unique combination of various prehistoric traits that complement each other.

🌱 Thus, it is understandable that I feel a strong connection to nature. This talisman represents value creation. The forked branch symbolizes creation, and the amber in between symbolizes value. Just as the branch splits and takes on a new shape, the amber was formed over time from resin.

🧠 You can now find scientific articles and studies on this topic in my broadcast.

Strange? Neither an animal, nor a plant, nor a fungus— something entirely unique with astonishing capabilities. The slime mold Physarum polycephalum is the largest single-celled organism in the world. What you see in the images is the yellow plasmodium feeding on grains of rice. The rectangular piece of agar is the medium on which I acquired the slime mold in its dry dormant phase (sclerotium).

The life cycle of Physarum polycephalum consists of several phases. It initially begins in the spore phase, where the slime mold survives by forming spores that are dispersed in the environment. These spores are resilient and can endure for long periods under unfavorable conditions. When conditions are favorable, the spores germinate and develop into mobile amoebas known as myxamoebas. These myxamoebas are amoeboid and can actively move in search of food, such as bacteria and organic matter.

When multiple myxamoebas meet, they can fuse together to form a plasmodium. In this multinucleate phase, which is responsible for growth and feeding, the slime mold exhibits remarkable behaviors, efficiently navigating mazes and remembering pathways as well as negative experiences.

When environmental conditions become unfavorable, such as during food scarcity or drought, the plasmodium transforms into the fruiting body phase, in which it produces fruiting bodies that contain spores. It is important to note that the plasmodium also transforms into the fruiting body phase in response to light. These spores can then revert to the spore phase, completing the life cycle. Additionally, the slime mold can enter a dry dormant phase, during which it shifts into an inactive state and survives as a sclerotium until conditions become favorable again.

Moreover, Physarum polycephalum can split into multiple individuals and fuse with other individuals, merging memories as well. Not only does it serve as a model organism for science, but its capabilities also stimulate philosophical reflections on how to define intelligence.

🌦🍂 Last day of September: This paper wasp (Polistes dominula) is dying. In September, all of them die, except for the young queens. It is cold and rainy, and it no longer has the strength to fly.

Wasps evoke different reactions in people. The paper wasp is very peaceful and rarely stings, even if you approach its nest. You can recognize it by its orange wings and legs.

I personally don’t perceive other wasps as aggressive either, as long as one respects their natural behavior and boundaries. I forgive and accept that they are not always capable of such foresight themselves.

However, many people react aggressively or fearfully at the sight of a wasp. These strong emotions limit compassion and make it easier to cause these animals harm.

But even if we try to cultivate compassion, true intentions and contexts can easily be misunderstood.

This wasp is visibly moving toward me. It does not want to attack me. Nor is it seeking contact with me as a person. It simply wants my body heat because, in its own perception, it is freezing and still fighting for survival in its final hour.

Yet I leave it to nature, because I understand that its desire, without its knowledge, would only prolong its own suffering.

By acknowledging and accepting my own pain, I was able to recognize myself in my behavior. I wrote, I took pictures. I also argued with friends, made up, cried, and laughed. I openly and confidently lived my self-concept despite its flaws. I succeeded in taking a critical yet understanding look at my own processes and acknowledged the vulnerabilities that fuel my emotions and influence my behavior and that of others. In my own suffering, I discovered understanding and thus forgiveness for both others and myself, which frees me from pain and strengthens my self-determination.

I recognize that I have a strong self-centeredness regarding the motives of others when they cause me noticeable harm, without fully considering their actual reasons and difficulties. I acknowledge that I have made mistakes, hurt people, and deceived myself about it. I acknowledge that I have paid more attention to the hurt than to my anger. I bear the responsibility for how I will deal with these insights.

However, I already feel much better. Even my brief negative emotional spikes that I almost regularly experience while winding down to sleep, which I have successfully pushed away in seconds for many years, have not appeared at all in recent days. This also applies to other emotional spikes that I usually feel in certain situations. The feeling comes, I name it, and by doing so, it becomes “dry.” The next time it comes, it doesn't happen at all because my brain does not receive a reward for engaging with it but rather a reward for consciously recognizing and categorizing it.

I have done this before, but due to the inner tensions and my ADHD, controlling my impulses has been more difficult for me, which also affected my conscious engagement with myself. I am not trying to excuse wrongdoing but to defuse its emotional component in order to create space for constructive thinking.

🏰🦁 My girlfriend at the time and I visited a chapel in Sayn Castle last year. We looked around the room, and after about a minute, I made one of my typical and initially hard-to-understand comments: 'This lion is different from all the others!' All the walls were decorated with numerous lion figures that looked almost identical—except one was sticking out its tongue. This is intentional because perfection is reserved for God alone. But why did I notice this tiny detail so quickly? Am I Rain Man or Indiana Jones?

🤠 No! It’s because of my ADHD!

🧠 1. Dopamine and Reward Sensitivity

In ADHD, the underactive dopamine system reduces sensitivity to rewards, making the brain more focused on novel stimuli, which feel more rewarding.

🧠 2. Increased Sensitivity to Stimuli

People with ADHD are more sensitive to new sensory input, making them quick to notice small changes as their brain constantly seeks new information.

🧠 3. Attention Shifting

Frequent shifts in attention help people with ADHD spot changes faster, as their brain is always scanning for new stimuli.

🧠 4. Hyperfocus

During periods of intense concentration, people with ADHD can excel at noticing small details and differences.

🧠 5. Prefrontal Cortex and Detail Recognition

Though the prefrontal cortex functions less efficiently in ADHD, heightened sensitivity to new information aids in quickly detecting deviations.

✨️ I am constantly looking for new information, changes, stimuli, so to speak, and that is why I notice such things very quickly. It’s a perfect example of how ADHD can sometimes be a superpower in noticing details that would escape most people’s attention!

It has helped me to share my experiences and thoughts on various aspects of life that not only burden me but also strengthen me. A central difficulty is my tendency towards egocentric thinking.

This developed out of a system of oppression. In order to safeguard my interests within my family while constantly being manipulated and used, I developed coping mechanisms as a child.

I never had to do much to receive attention because my relatives wanted to maintain their influence over me. As a result, I never really felt the need to develop strong narcissistic behavior patterns within relationships.

Instead, I developed more egoistic behavior patterns because every stage of my life was marked by structural instability, and other people tried to influence my perspective, often for their own benefit.

I am not trapped in this egocentrism, but I am working on identifying the harmful aspects and their triggers. Like everyone, I have certain dynamics in my personality, consisting of adaptive (useful) and maladaptive (harmful) behavior patterns. These are closely linked to emotions and emotion regulation. I am very empathetic, but this is sometimes influenced more or less by my egoistic tendencies. My ADHD sometimes challenges my emotional regulation.

Since I have reported "publicly" on my experiences, it feels like I have regained a piece of self-determination, because now it has been said, and there’s nothing more I can do. I could still reach out to National Geographic, but I believe this is enough.

It has liberated me and allowed space for independent thinking that is not constantly under a defensive posture. Being able to take a free and self-determined (less self-centered) look at my own responsibilities has led me to the insight of what I can work on to improve my situation in the long term.

I have realized that my ability to consider other people's points of view can be improved and that I have a better chance of long-term emotional stability if I learn to forgive even the deepest pain, to let it go and stop giving it power.

Her pattern a symbol,
of the morals of her kin.
Her web a floral design,
from countless threads spun thin,
on which she bears her cross,
to carry it to my grave.

R.I.P. stink bug 🩶

And to the cross spider, enjoy your meal! 😋

The female garden spider (Araneus diadematus) soon lays her eggs and therefore needs a lot of energy. 🍂🍁 She then dies and the eggs overwinter in the cocoon. ☃️❄️

In my poem, the cross spider is depicted both literally and symbolically as the bearer of the morals of her kin. The distinctive cross on her back represents not only a natural characteristic but also the burden of the moral values and traditions she embodies. Her web symbolizes the complex network of ethical principles woven within the community, highlighting how the individual is intertwined with these structures.

The image of the spider carrying her cross to the grave of the lyrical self refers to the inevitable connection between life and death, while also conveying the responsibility and consequences of the moral choices of her kin. The cross spider thus becomes a symbol of the dynamics of tradition, responsibility, and the ultimate transience of life.

A little over a week ago, I found our crowd favorite Chico with an injury. He had lost part of his tail. I then searched the terrarium for traces to find the cause. I came to the conclusion that the crack in the bamboo was the most likely cause. This matches a blood stain that I found nearby. I'll be honest, I had noticed this crack before, but I hadn't considered the possibility that his tail could get caught in it. The crack has become wider due to the moisture, which is a risk that can happen in any terrarium. That's why I hope that Chico's painful experience is a warning to other owners. It was a lesson for me to be more cautious and foresighted. Chico's tail will grow back, and during this time he will have an increased need for nutrients. Since then, apart from the missing tail, he has seemed vital and behaved as usual. Geckos, like many other lizards, shed their tails when they are in danger thanks to special muscles. It is not yet clear whether this causes pain. Some biologists argue that pain when shedding a tail is an evolutionary hindrance. Nevertheless, it is definitely something that should not be taken lightly. The second photo shows the bamboo with the gap. The constriction probably became a trap. The third photo shows the leaking tissue fluid on the day of the event. The tissue fluid helps to clean the wound effectively. Because a stress-free environment is important for healing and because day geckos usually stay above ground, it makes more sense to leave them in the terrarium. This may be different for ground-dwelling animals because their tails often touch the ground and can cause infections.

Snakes become milky a few days before shedding, called "blue phase". This is because a fluid accumulates between the old and new skin, separating them. But why do the eyes also turn cloudy? This is because, unlike leopard geckos, snakes do not have eyelids. Instead, they have a spectacle scale covering each of their eyes.

Today, 4 days after this photo, Dakota has shed his skin and is now climbing around looking for the white mice he is so convinced of.