🐒 I have now given you some insights into my challenges, strengths, and abilities. ADHD is a spectrum and part of natural diversity. There are people for whom ADHD is a burden, and others who see more advantages than disadvantages in it. It is a misunderstanding to believe that these differences are solely due to the will of the affected individuals. In fact, the expression of the disorder varies, and factors such as medication tolerance, comorbidities, upbringing, worldview, access to free or affordable therapy options, life circumstances, life experiences, stigmatization, and personality traits also play a role.

🦤 In this false assumption, both fundamental attribution errors and the survivorship bias are involved.

🌱 In the past 18 years, I have worked a lot on myself and, as you may have seen in my posts, have struggled with some difficulties.

🏝 I am a calm and peaceful person, which makes it hard for many to understand my experiences. In fact, I have focused on advancing my therapy. I have not attacked anyone; I simply did not meet some of the expectations they placed on me. As a result, I had to leave my family, as we did not harmonize. Therefore, I forgive those who attacked me, as they may not have had the same circumstances as I did. They may have genuinely wanted to help me, even if I find that difficult to understand on both a rational and emotional level.

🏞 It has affected me when I was repeatedly told how 'pitiful' I was while trying to find my own way. I couldn't even breathe as I wanted without being criticized for it. I forgive myself for the anger and bitterness I felt, as they were understandable reactions. However, I recognize their harmfulness and negative impact, not only on myself. That is why I continuously work on improving my self-management. I am not seeking reconciliation but a clear boundary against disrespectful behavior. There is no place for disrespect in my life, as it is incompatible with my self-concept.

🏔 I strive for a life that is in harmony with my values, characterized by respect, understanding, and peace.

🕊 I love myself.

By acknowledging and accepting my own pain, I was able to recognize myself in my behavior. I wrote, I took pictures. I also argued with friends, made up, cried, and laughed. I openly and confidently lived my self-concept despite its flaws. I succeeded in taking a critical yet understanding look at my own processes and acknowledged the vulnerabilities that fuel my emotions and influence my behavior and that of others. In my own suffering, I discovered understanding and thus forgiveness for both others and myself, which frees me from pain and strengthens my self-determination.

I recognize that I have a strong self-centeredness regarding the motives of others when they cause me noticeable harm, without fully considering their actual reasons and difficulties. I acknowledge that I have made mistakes, hurt people, and deceived myself about it. I acknowledge that I have paid more attention to the hurt than to my anger. I bear the responsibility for how I will deal with these insights.

However, I already feel much better. Even my brief negative emotional spikes that I almost regularly experience while winding down to sleep, which I have successfully pushed away in seconds for many years, have not appeared at all in recent days. This also applies to other emotional spikes that I usually feel in certain situations. The feeling comes, I name it, and by doing so, it becomes “dry.” The next time it comes, it doesn't happen at all because my brain does not receive a reward for engaging with it but rather a reward for consciously recognizing and categorizing it.

I have done this before, but due to the inner tensions and my ADHD, controlling my impulses has been more difficult for me, which also affected my conscious engagement with myself. I am not trying to excuse wrongdoing but to defuse its emotional component in order to create space for constructive thinking.

🏰🦁 My girlfriend at the time and I visited a chapel in Sayn Castle last year. We looked around the room, and after about a minute, I made one of my typical and initially hard-to-understand comments: 'This lion is different from all the others!' All the walls were decorated with numerous lion figures that looked almost identical—except one was sticking out its tongue. This is intentional because perfection is reserved for God alone. But why did I notice this tiny detail so quickly? Am I Rain Man or Indiana Jones?

🤠 No! It’s because of my ADHD!

🧠 1. Dopamine and Reward Sensitivity

In ADHD, the underactive dopamine system reduces sensitivity to rewards, making the brain more focused on novel stimuli, which feel more rewarding.

🧠 2. Increased Sensitivity to Stimuli

People with ADHD are more sensitive to new sensory input, making them quick to notice small changes as their brain constantly seeks new information.

🧠 3. Attention Shifting

Frequent shifts in attention help people with ADHD spot changes faster, as their brain is always scanning for new stimuli.

🧠 4. Hyperfocus

During periods of intense concentration, people with ADHD can excel at noticing small details and differences.

🧠 5. Prefrontal Cortex and Detail Recognition

Though the prefrontal cortex functions less efficiently in ADHD, heightened sensitivity to new information aids in quickly detecting deviations.

✨️ I am constantly looking for new information, changes, stimuli, so to speak, and that is why I notice such things very quickly. It’s a perfect example of how ADHD can sometimes be a superpower in noticing details that would escape most people’s attention!

🌌 Organic Fragments

🌍🔥 Pursuing altruistic and compassionate motives while exhibiting selfish behaviors often seem contradictory, without necessarily being so. Nevertheless, this inner conflict can lead to frustration when actions contradict ideals.

To resolve this, some people may become blind to their behaviors, developing a flexible self-perception. While this flexibility can be beneficial, it can also increase vulnerability regarding self-assessment. For people with ADHD, even slight selfish tendencies can be amplified in challenging contexts, leading to potentially harmful or beneficial outcomes.

The underlying nature does not only have disadvantages. If managed correctly, it enables high performance. But now it is precisely about possible negative influences that I would like to ignore but will now pay more attention to.

Behaviors that seem selfish often stem from neurobiological factors, particularly dopamine and norepinephrine disruptions, affecting impulse control, reward processing, emotional regulation, and social cognition.

A deficiency in dopamine can lead to a preference for immediate gratification, making people with ADHD appear self-centered as they prioritize short-term needs over long-term consequences.

Low norepinephrine levels can impair attention to social cues, hindering understanding of others' emotions and the effects of one’s actions, which may lead to behaviors perceived as inconsiderate.

Difficulties in emotional control can heighten reactions, overshadowing empathy and consideration for others’ feelings.

ADHD can amplify egocentric tendencies, where impulsivity and a focus on immediate needs inhibit understanding others' perspectives. Repeated misunderstandings can lead to frustration, prompting people to prioritize self-protection.

Behaviors associated with ADHD, often viewed as egoistic, are rooted in neurobiological challenges affecting self-regulation. These tendencies reflect unconscious responses to internal struggles rather than intentional selfishness.

🌻 But as with many things, it depends on how consciously you deal with it and whether you do something to manage it better.

It has helped me to share my experiences and thoughts on various aspects of life that not only burden me but also strengthen me. A central difficulty is my tendency towards egocentric thinking.

This developed out of a system of oppression. In order to safeguard my interests within my family while constantly being manipulated and used, I developed coping mechanisms as a child.

I never had to do much to receive attention because my relatives wanted to maintain their influence over me. As a result, I never really felt the need to develop strong narcissistic behavior patterns within relationships.

Instead, I developed more egoistic behavior patterns because every stage of my life was marked by structural instability, and other people tried to influence my perspective, often for their own benefit.

I am not trapped in this egocentrism, but I am working on identifying the harmful aspects and their triggers. Like everyone, I have certain dynamics in my personality, consisting of adaptive (useful) and maladaptive (harmful) behavior patterns. These are closely linked to emotions and emotion regulation. I am very empathetic, but this is sometimes influenced more or less by my egoistic tendencies. My ADHD sometimes challenges my emotional regulation.

Since I have reported "publicly" on my experiences, it feels like I have regained a piece of self-determination, because now it has been said, and there’s nothing more I can do. I could still reach out to National Geographic, but I believe this is enough.

It has liberated me and allowed space for independent thinking that is not constantly under a defensive posture. Being able to take a free and self-determined (less self-centered) look at my own responsibilities has led me to the insight of what I can work on to improve my situation in the long term.

I have realized that my ability to consider other people's points of view can be improved and that I have a better chance of long-term emotional stability if I learn to forgive even the deepest pain, to let it go and stop giving it power.

There is a difference between addressing behaviors and attributing characteristics to someone. Behaviors can be harmful, depending on the specific dynamics of the situation. This does not mean that the individuals are bad or harmful. Of course, classifying behaviors is also a form of attributing characteristics, but it is only indirect, context-bound and not generalizing. Above all, it is not aimed at the personality but rather at behavior/thinking.

I approach new relationships with openness and honesty. On a professional level, I often have to weigh my options because there are complex dynamics at play. Nevertheless, I strive for the best possible understanding in those situations as well.

It is evident that when I try to convey what defines me and what I know about myself, I am also the one with the strongest basis for that. I greatly appreciate other perspectives, as they can expand my viewpoint. However, I also approach them with caution, as they can be distorted or inaccurate and harmful.

The wounded self-image of individuals who attribute higher competencies to themselves in recognizing my traits and abilities, which is indirectly questioned by my perspective, should not serve as a basis for power games or aggression.

I understand that it is not easy to grasp when I try to explain the dynamics, and that it can be frustrating. And that this might encourage harmful behavior and I myself am not always free from it either. However, I do not tolerate aggressive behavior. After every moment of frustration, everyone has the opportunity to reflect.

My aim is to maintain a healthy level of self-determination and protect my dignity, especially in situations where others try to control or undermine my abilities or intentions.

It is understandable that I do not leave negative insinuations or attempts to manipulate me unaddressed. This is especially relevant when my ADHD is used as a basis for unfair judgments or false assumptions about me. My resistance, therefore, is not only a defense of my abilities and self-image but also a rejection of manipulative or derogatory behaviors that would reduce me to a false or negative image.

Her pattern a symbol,
of the morals of her kin.
Her web a floral design,
from countless threads spun thin,
on which she bears her cross,
to carry it to my grave.

R.I.P. stink bug 🩶

And to the cross spider, enjoy your meal! 😋

The female garden spider (Araneus diadematus) soon lays her eggs and therefore needs a lot of energy. 🍂🍁 She then dies and the eggs overwinter in the cocoon. ☃️❄️

In my poem, the cross spider is depicted both literally and symbolically as the bearer of the morals of her kin. The distinctive cross on her back represents not only a natural characteristic but also the burden of the moral values and traditions she embodies. Her web symbolizes the complex network of ethical principles woven within the community, highlighting how the individual is intertwined with these structures.

The image of the spider carrying her cross to the grave of the lyrical self refers to the inevitable connection between life and death, while also conveying the responsibility and consequences of the moral choices of her kin. The cross spider thus becomes a symbol of the dynamics of tradition, responsibility, and the ultimate transience of life.

A little over a week ago, I found our crowd favorite Chico with an injury. He had lost part of his tail. I then searched the terrarium for traces to find the cause. I came to the conclusion that the crack in the bamboo was the most likely cause. This matches a blood stain that I found nearby. I'll be honest, I had noticed this crack before, but I hadn't considered the possibility that his tail could get caught in it. The crack has become wider due to the moisture, which is a risk that can happen in any terrarium. That's why I hope that Chico's painful experience is a warning to other owners. It was a lesson for me to be more cautious and foresighted. Chico's tail will grow back, and during this time he will have an increased need for nutrients. Since then, apart from the missing tail, he has seemed vital and behaved as usual. Geckos, like many other lizards, shed their tails when they are in danger thanks to special muscles. It is not yet clear whether this causes pain. Some biologists argue that pain when shedding a tail is an evolutionary hindrance. Nevertheless, it is definitely something that should not be taken lightly. The second photo shows the bamboo with the gap. The constriction probably became a trap. The third photo shows the leaking tissue fluid on the day of the event. The tissue fluid helps to clean the wound effectively. Because a stress-free environment is important for healing and because day geckos usually stay above ground, it makes more sense to leave them in the terrarium. This may be different for ground-dwelling animals because their tails often touch the ground and can cause infections.

Snakes become milky a few days before shedding, called "blue phase". This is because a fluid accumulates between the old and new skin, separating them. But why do the eyes also turn cloudy? This is because, unlike leopard geckos, snakes do not have eyelids. Instead, they have a spectacle scale covering each of their eyes.

Today, 4 days after this photo, Dakota has shed his skin and is now climbing around looking for the white mice he is so convinced of.